Living in a world between normality and insanity

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Touch of the country

The rain runs down dust streaked windows as I sit in the bus, eyes closed, classic rock songs blaring through my headphones. I open my eyes briefly to watch the countryside pass as the bus slowly moves along.

My friend sits beside me head in a book. See we are connected enough to not even have to talk, companionship more than enough to keep us happy. We have just enjoyed a few days away. As I close my eyes again and drift into my conscious I reflect back on the past week. The laughs we had with each other, the trips down memory lane and the stories told I have never heard from my past.

Spending time with my grandparents is always a blessing. I don’t visit often, maybe twice a year but growing up they were one of the stable settings of love I had. I sit for a moment and draw on that love once again and feel warmth spread through my body.

While I am writing the bus takes a detour and my friend makes conversation with the people behind us and I think back to a different time when this was normal and people were happy to talk to strangers. This bus coming from the country, a place were you are greeted on the streets and every day waves to you with a smile on their face. It has been nice getting away from the hustle and bustle of the city. I have a silent laugh to myself as I remember sitting with our cups of coffee telling stories to one another across the generations.

I feel calm and content. Happy with my place in the world, a place my grandparents helped raise me to be in. Again the word blessed flits into my mind. Blessed to have friends that provide companionship, connection that is made with more than just words but actions and feelings. Blessed to have been raised by 3 sets of grandparents filling my childhood with memories of love. Blessed to have God on my side, to have stood by me as I’ve walked through each of my challenges in life. Blessed indeed, blessed to truly be alive.

My journey draws to a close now as the bus pulls onto the N1 highway, water streaming down the window next to me. Soon we will be in the city again and the quietness of the country will be overturned with noises from the city. That’s okay though because the contentedness stays with me. So thanks gran and gramps for that wonderful break and we’ll be back soon for another touch of the country.


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Photo of the Week

This shot was taken out in Malmesbury on an Autumn morning. I was with my best friends for a weekend of taking photos and hanging out. We stood watching the sunrise and taking photos for over an hour. I was once again reminded of the beauty of our world and the things that God has created.

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Friends for a Season

Friends for a season, friends for a reason, or so they say.

Everybody has people in their lives. I believe that even the loneliest person in the world has someone they care about. I say this because I have been there, the place where you feel alone even in a crowded room. I tried not to care, believe me I tried. The problem is that we are simply not created to be solitary creatures. I didn’t want to care because caring hurts and the depth of caring depicts the depth of hurt that happens. The less I cared the less it hurt – simple mathematics for my warped mind. Unfortunately even when I was trying not to care I got hurt, so even though I still go through phases of not caring to avoid the hurt, I have come to a simple conclusion. Life hurts, we’ve all been hurt, we’ve all been rejected and we’ve all been left behind at some point.
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Recently I got hurt (again, it’s a foregone conclusion) and had to sit with the loss of a friendship that was once important for me. I sat with sadness for a while then I detached from the emotions and went numb. I don’t know why we are not friends anymore or if we are then I don’t know what’s happening. This isn’t friendship. Feeling quite hurt by this I took it on as though I had done something wrong when in actual fact I haven’t. So sometimes I guess friendships just move on and I mustn’t take it personally.

As I have journeyed through my recovery I have realised that some people have been put in my life for a specific reason, and these people have all helped me progress into the awesomeness that is becoming me, but once that reason has passed the friendship will fade or alter into something different. My borderline fears the abandonment of losing a friend but I am learning to prepare my mind for these changes and trying to not take them personally. It is inevitable that as I change so will the people closest to me. As doors close so, I believe, new ones will open.

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Good for the Soul – Part Two

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The first thing that was good for my soul was the doing of something for others which we did on Friday and you can see that blog before this one. The second thing I did this weekend which was good for my soul was doing something for myself and that is exactly what I did. On Friday around lunchtime we packed the car and four of us set off in a stuffed car for McGregor to join a bunch of girls for a girlie weekend looking at Tradition One.

2014.07.18-20 - McGregor Retreat (9)_Snapseed We arrived around five pm and there were already some people there. Unpacked and ready to chill, and chill we did, it was freezing there so I had my beanie, gloves and scarf as well as blanket around me. Fire blazing in the fireplace and I was ready f2014.07.18-20 - McGregor Retreat (223)_Snapseedor the weekend.

What followed was one of the most amazing weekends that I have had in a long time. A weekend filled with making new friends, getting intimate and trusting others. I have never felt so vulnerable and safe at the same time. I must thank each and every lady there for making this weekend happen and playing a part in helping me grow.

Can’t wait for the next one. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world and my life again. I really needed this break and time away, the love and respect I got was an added bonus. Sending love out to all the ladies who were with me this weekend.

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Photo of the Week


This was taken a few years ago when I had just started making some friends again. It was an important moment in my recovery as I was very mistrustful of everyone and didn’t make good friends easily. Here we had gone out to the V&A Waterfront for the evening just to hang out and we bought this little magic dolls so we each had one to symbolize our friendship.