It is that time in my journey where my medication is having to be changed again. This means detoxing of old medication, starting new medication, blood tests, liver functioning tests and new side effects. The reason, well sometimes new side effects pop up or the medication stops working. This time I have a new side effect (we think), irritability and restlessness.
Everything, and I mean everything, is suddenly irritating me. It is so frustrating and makes me feel so self-centered. Things that I normally enjoy and people I normally love are irritating me. I can’t show it, especially at work, but it is coming up with everything I do. My doctor thinks it is a side effect of the one medication I was on. So now we just stop that medication and try something else. I am running out of options here and it is really frustrating and I just want to cry sometimes.
The other effect, which has been around for a while, is restlessness. I have intermittent restless leg syndrome, which means my legs shake, tap, jiggle, all sorts of things. The worst is at night while I am trying to fall asleep. It gets so bad it keeps me awake. During the day it stops me from concentrating and I have to take regular breaks. Very hard to do when you are studying and have 3 hour classes. Friends who know me laugh at my jiggling legs but sometimes are worse than others. I know they are moving about and I can’t do anything to stop them. It makes me feel so helpless.
The new medication I am on now is supposed to help me get to sleep but I am not so sure because again last night I was still awake after 12 am. So why write about it? Well just giving myself some venting space, helping others know that they aren’t alone and keeping friends and family updated. This is my life and it gets frustrating. Aside from that though I have learnt to mostly deal with all these things and remind myself that it all helps me cope with life better in the long run.
The thing that helps me the most is remembering to hand it over to God. He is the only one who really knows what is going on and I believe and trust that he has a higher purpose for me. Well that’s what life is like for this Borderline, Bipolar, Addict at the moment. Signing out for today.